16-06-2009; evening

my grandma was a strong woman, mentally, she never gives up no matter how tough it is.

it was time for her to go, i guess. her cancer had spread extensively over her body and it was causing her so much pain ): she even had difficulty breathing through the oxygen tube ): the last time i visited her was saturday 13-06-2009, maybe if i didnt go she will wait for me to visit her before she goes.. i should’ve gone with my dad on that evening, i wanted but i couldnt make a decision in time as my dad was rushing off alr.. sigh, so many should haves.

the last 2 times i saw her she was in so much pain, looking at her i think it was really better for her to go, she couldnt walk probably and had no appetite ): she had changed so much since i last saw her on her 77th birthday in may, not too long ago. cancer can kill so easily, i am worried for my mum ): sigh.

anyway, i will miss my grandma, sometimes when i mention her and realise that she is no longer around makes me feel so emptyy.

when i was a child, my grandma brought me up, she played with me, taught me cantonese and always be there for me and my sister when my parents were out. i miss the times we go to the market, i miss the times we watch channel 8 drama series together, i miss the times when my dad was overseas and she will always be there to accompany my mum, my sis and me so that the house with livier. i miss the delicious cantonese food that she cooks for us, i always looked forward to going home in primary school, cus there will always be food, cooked by my grandma. i miss, i miss, i miss, but now they will remain part of my wonderful memory of you, grandma.

i never really cried, i guess i didnt want to show my real emotions to others but i had watery eyes quite a few times, a few of the vivid ones was when my cousin, mindy, who just flew back from brisbane today and directly went to see my grandma in the coffin, talking about it even makes me want to cry and another was my uncle crying when he saw my grandma in the coffin despite seeing her before countless times. i really dont know how to react, so i am blogging, haha.

rest in peace grandma

i hope my mum gets well and gets her wishes fulfilled..):

P.S. my grandma had all her wishes fulfilled (: